Hope

Hope.  The dictionary says that it is to wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.  Hope is not something I allowed myself to have over the last 6 years.  Not after the miscarriages, the cancer, the tears.  But hope is something that I am slowly starting to feel again.  Its funny how when you’re young you are so filled with hope.  And not even just hope…confidence.  Confidence that your life was going to work out the way you had planned.  But as time has gone on, my confidence has been eroded…and along with that my hope.

Yet….

I had my visit with Dr. K. yesterday.  He said that my hormone levels weren’t as bad as he had first thought which is good.  I most definitely have PCOS.  I am ovulating on my own which is a very good thing.  So I am starting Clo*mid 50 mg.  I’m on CD 25 right now and will start taking it on CD5 until CD9.  Then we shall see!  He’s also sending J for a se*men ana*lysis.  I had asked to have that done right at the beginning…but whatever, at least it’s getting done now.  Part of me wonders our inability to get pg is actually partly due to him?  He works in a paint store with industrial paint and chemicals.  I guess its easier to think that then know that it's all due to me.  We go back on August 18^th and will get the results then.   

So here’s hoping….