Sorry I haven't posted all week. I kept meaning to post an update...but you know how it goes....
So I did manage to talk to the RE at the clinic and he said not to worry too much about the bleeding, that the Lap did trigger some people to get AF and that the first AF was sometimes much worse for some people. It would have been nice to know that! At any rate, the bleeding did slow down and stopped completely by Thursday.
Then Sunday morning I woke up with cramps....and spotting. It hasn't gotten any worse yet but the cramps are still pretty bad. This is so frustrating!!
I know that this is probably all part of the process. That my body is going to have some readjusting to do. I guess me being so angry and frustrated about this is really me being angry and frustrated at this whole process. That this whole TTC process which, in a perfect world, is supposed to be beautiful and joyous, is nothing like I thought it would be. There's so much that I put on hold, so much that I didn't want to bother doing becuase we were going to get pregnant. And we're not. And right now I feel like we never will be parents. I know that there is more to life than just being parents. I guess I hold on to this becuase its tangible. There's a lot of other things that I'm just not happy with, but the one that most people will understand is that I'm upset about kids.
I feel like I'm drowning in unhappiness. And I don't know where to go or what to do to get out of this. I don't feel like focusing on anything. I don't feel like doing my flowers or keeping my house clean becuase...what's the point? I've been a bad blogger...not even commenting on most of your blogs.
Thank goodness my cousin/best friend S is coming in 8 days to visit. That alone is keeping me going. Now if only I could get my other best friend F here too.
I'm sorry for all the negativity. I think I need to go to the Dr.
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Hang in there honey. I feel this way a lot but it always feels better eventually. And the house being dirty isn't going to kill anyone :) Look forward to your visit from your cousin.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better soon.
I think we all have these down times. This is a hard road and you are going through the hardest parts right now. Try to stay in the right now and focus on the good things---I am glad you have your cousin's visit to look forward to and distract you for a bit.
ReplyDeleteJust keep trudging through. I am here for you and praying that everything turns out good for you.
ReplyDeletewww.infertilityinstability.blogspot.com
I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I hope and pray that you will be able to get through this. I'm glad you have someone coming to spend time with you. It's nice to have something to look forward to.
ReplyDeleteIt must be incredibly difficult to deal with all of this. Take care of yourself. Don't forget to do the little things that make you smile, even if only for a moment.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't "should" on yourself! ;) Have a fantastic visit with S! I'm glad you'll get to spend some time together. Wish I could be there.....
ReplyDeleteHang in there sweetie. I hope things start to look a little better soon. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteKeep going that's all any of us can do, things will get better they have too. Take Care.
ReplyDelete(Was way behind - I'm a bad blogger too - so just reading this post now...)
ReplyDeleteI hope things got a little better for you. I feel your pain with all this stuff. You could be writing posts about me it's so similar. I'm sorry your lap was so difficult. The things we have to go through, eh?
Sending *hugs* and think of you.
thinkING :)
ReplyDeleteDon't apologize for being down. The process is gut wretching. The highs are high but the lows are so incredibly low...like spit on the bottom of the chewed up gum on someones shoe! Find people and things that make you happy and try to submerse yourself in them as much as possible and if all else fails...blog! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteOh, Justina! Sweetie, I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I get it, I truly do. I feel like this most of the time. It's so demoralizing to discover that something most people take for granted is such a devestatingly difficult thing for us to accomplish. It's not fair and it's not right that we get screwed out of something we want so badly and so many people take for granted. I pray you'll get good news before long and have something to feel positive about.
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