I had a pretty good weekend. I haven't been sleeping well, so ended up calling in sick on Friday as I had had about 5 hours sleep between Tuesday and Thursday. (And I think I'll be able to function with no sleep when I have kids??). But staying home was just what I needed. I made myself just sit and read and relax.
Friday night we went to a friends house. They invited another friend who lives out of town who has 3 kids - 22 month old twin girls and a 4 year old girl. I was a bit nervous about it because, as you all know, being presented with evidence of fertileness can sometimes really hurt. But it actually turned out to be a really good evening.
After we had finished dinner I realized that J and the twins had disappeared so I followed the sound of the giggling and saw J sitting on the floor with the twins playing with them. The sight just about made me cry. I stood there and watched for a few minutes and saw the joy and happiness on his face as he interacted with the girls. It just made me realize how much I want to see him as a dad. How much I want to see that joy on our face over our baby. I sat on the floor for a bit and played with him and the girls, it just felt so good!
After going back to the living room, the inevitible "When are you going to have kids?" came up. In the past I've tried to sidestep that question and not give details, but at this point, after all this time, I want people to know that's it's not always easy. So I told them what's going on and that we are planning to adopt. They asked me if I thought I was missing out by not considering IVF and being able to have our own biological child. I said no, and I really believe that. I just know that IVF isn't the path for us. Adoption feels right, it feels like it is the right path for us. It's so frustrating though when people question your choices and make you question yourself and if what you really believe is true.
Another thing that I'm worried about. My mom and I don't have the best relationship. It's been like that my whole life and unless she comes to realize what she's like and what she's done, it will stay that way. I was talking to her on the weekend and told her that we were going to adopt. All she said was "oh" and changed the subject. I want all my family to support me on this. I want to know that this child will be considered their grandchild, niece/nephew etc even though there's not a biological link. My mom lives far away and I don't see her that often so it's not like she'd be a direct part of the child's life, but I still feel like that little kid who is wanting their parents approval. My family in Ontario is amazing and will give us that 110% support that I am needing which I am so thankful for.
It's never easy, is it?
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Blah no, definitely never easy :/ That sucks about your mom, I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteHusbands who enjoy kids (especially other people's kids) are a special breed, imo. You are lucky!
Re: your comment on my blog - you should totally take a yoga class! Don't be intimidated (hah, I know, easier said than done). It was so much more of an inward focused thing than I thought it would be. I wasn't looking at others, just the instructor to make sure I was doing it correctly. Sounds like a great goal to have for 2010 :)
It's not easy. I'm sorry people are questioning your choice. Adoption is birth by another means. As an adopted child, it grates me (and hurts) when people ask parents if they feel they are "missing out" because a child isnt biologically there. I dont know what I would do with that hurt, if not for my parents, who tell me it is completely unfounded (and they should know since my brother is genetically theirs).
ReplyDeletePeople can be cruel. I hate to say it but it is true. There is family I still dont have a relationship with because of how they treated me growing up (because I wasnt "really" their cousin etc.) Just love your child; let them know that other people's bad behavior is sheer ignorance and that they are your child through and through.
I'm positive that no one would have a bad word to say about adoption if they desperately wanted a child yet could not conceive one. The nay-sayers are most likely people who have not been in such a position and have not forced themselves to get outside their own expereince and see the world through your eyes. I'm sorry these people are questioning your choices. You are a smart and capable woman who can choose her own path in life. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Hugs for you.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard when you don't have a good relationship with your mom. I too have felt at times that I so badly want support from my mom and it's something I'm not likely to ever receive.
ReplyDeleteAs far as people questioning your decision there will always be people who do it. If you had decided on IVF instead there would be those questioning why you were doing that when you could provide a home for an adopted child. I get the "why not just adopt" question so frequently sometimes I want to just run away screaming. We each have to decide on what path works best for us and accept our decision regardless of whether others accept it also.